To the Editor
How to permanently deactivate your Facebook account:
Are you having a hard time finding good friends on Facebook? Maybe you’re fed up because the good friends you had suddenly disappeared, without even a “goodbye.”
Or maybe you find it creepy that Facebook recently leaked very personal data from 533 million user profiles all over the World Wide Web. So now you’re ready to make your grand exit, but find account deletion is a process too long and tedious to navigate.
Not anymore! You do not even have to sift through all of the field settings and questions! I will keep you in suspense no longer. Facebook has hired over 35,000 people thought-policing what is deemed to be misinformation on its platform. They’ll help you out. It’s easy as 1, 2, 3! Draw their notice to your violation of the social media giant’s Terms of Service by posting what’s really on your mind: 1) post your conservative viewpoints; If that is taking too long, 2) post patriotic facts about American history and quotes from the founding fathers; I find the fastest and best option however is 3) post truths based on Biblical Christian values.
Voila, you will soon join the 1.3 billion other users whose accounts were canceled last quarter. With this easy and proven strategy, permanently deactivating your Facebook account is as fast as posting…Account suspended.
Stuart Aller, Hiawatha