Rob Perez

It’s true that here at Beyond Reason, we occasionally make fun of things. Bunting. Cornhole. My seven-year-old daughter. But perhaps the leitmotif — the running joke readers have come to expect — is on pickleball.

As you know, here at “Beyond Reason,” we always tackle the biggest, most important issues of the day. A philosophical conundrum. A Buddhist koan. The t-shirt gun. Look, if it’s in Beyond Reason, it’s important. That’s why, this week, it’s time to consider bunting.

I make a lot of jokes here at Beyond Reason. Some are at the expense of the game of pickleball. Some are the expense of the pickleball players. While I do try to make other jokes about other topics—bugs, potato salad, and, of course, gourds—heretofore, I’ve never attempted a single joke about the Dewey Decimal System.

Germany is efficient. France is flirtatious. Canada apologizes for being in your way, even though I don’t know anyone on their way to the North Pole other than Will Steiger. But America? If you want to understand America, skip the textbooks or history lessons. At a distance, just observe the month of July.

He began with frogging. Then jigging. By noon, he said, he’d be hula popping. I kept nodding, as though these were natural things for a man to say while I was drinking my first cup of coffee. Or ever.

Generally, I go ‘round without a hat. A hat squeezes the head, itches the scalp. Plus, I like my hair. But we live in interesting, challenging, new times. We must rise to the occasion. Sometimes, to meet the moment, a man needs a hat.

The energy in the auditorium was already electric. Every single act in the middle school variety show received thunderous applause, a standing ovation. It was the last day of school and the audience was determined to love everything. Then the next act brought out a T-shirt gun.

I want to formally go on record declaring my commitment to the foundational principles of civilization. Chief among them is the notion of private property. From an early age, we are taught to distinguish between mine and yours—meum and tuum. This delineation is not merely practical; it is moral. It forms the basis for trust and the social contract itself. To transgress this boundary—to steal—is a violation of that contract. Put simply, stealing is wrong.